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It was and he was fresh out of rehab. Like, that day out of rehab. I was just out of Iowa and super psyched to meet my first celebrity. And then we were greeted by the Universal Soldier himself. He was also wearing reading glasses. With that he disappeared into the bedroom of his suite, leaving Lauren and me alone in the living room. Soon there was a knock at the door. Minutes later, another knock. It was the drugs, delivered by a dude named Corso. Right on cue, Jean-Claude reemerged from his hovel, like a ground hog, hoarded the goods and vanished back into his shadowy burrow.
The four of us sat there staring at each other for about 15 minutes. A drug dealer, a major action star. A kilo of cocaine. A girl with a direct line to Page 6 who was too stupid to lie about it. I let them kick my best friend out all alone into the New York night. I stayed behind like a total dick. Corso decided to check on the ground hog.
I mean coke hog. I opened the door to find what can only be described as a pornographic crucifix. Jean-Claude was spread eagle, buck naked, and furiously jerking his flaccid coke dick. Next to him sat a mogul of blow, and a bottle of Lubriderm. A debate ensued and finally me and JC reached a compromise. I would be on lotion duty. When he began to chafe, I would dispense the appropriate amount of lube into his hand. Sadly this arrangement only provided so much entertainment.
He needed to up the ante…. So he dialed soon to be ex- wife and put her on speaker. He kicked off with some of the classics. But then our maverick director veered off the script and started to improv.
I hold her down and you take all her clothes off. In he entered a month long rehab program but left after just one week. In he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started treatment on a mood stabilizer. He has been clean and sober ever since. Nightmares, daydreams, shooting stars, incredible things, white feminism, graveyards, pearls, Kanye West: It's all part of the Taylor Swift roller coaster.