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He was on his way to golf with a client; I was on my way to two years of one-night stands. Just like the act of sex itself, one-night stands are never going to be as glamorous nor as frequent as your favourite TV shows—nor my first experience—paint them out to be. Indeed, on my path to enlightenment, I had both a seven-month dry-spell and foreplay involving a live axolotl.
If you have a fair idea that the two of you might both want the same thing out of your night, then the best way to make it happen is to just be upfront about it. Informative internet message boards I have perused have told me that you should always rendezvous in your own room: Personally, I have always preferred to play the away game: I cannot stress this enough.
Other forms of contraception are not enough. Nothing is going to kill your no-strings-attached-banging buzz more than phoning to tell them that they gave you the clap.
As a nation, New Zealanders are an extremely awkward people. Far from being overwhelming, the unfamiliarity of a one-night stand can be completely liberating. Remember, if this person has never met you before, or at least never encountered you in this setting, they have no expectations, no preconceptions.
This is your time to shine, call the shots, and tell them exactly what, how, and where you want it. But hold on just a minute there! Spoon a little if you must, but when the time is right, get up, and get out of there. The walk of shame is only as shameful as you allow it to be. In preparation for your Stride of Pride, there are a few things you can do to make yourself look a little more presentable in the harsh light of day: How you should act in the hours, days, and weeks following your one-night stand all depends on what your relationship with this person was prior to getting in the sack, and what you want it to be afterwards.